


Unknown to All

by thatdamhufflepuff



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Blood, Depression, Langst, Mentions of Suicide, Self Harm, Suicide, i uhhhh self projected almost all of jt, not sorry tho, this ones a kicker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-04-08 04:02:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14096778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdamhufflepuff/pseuds/thatdamhufflepuff
Summary: It hurt him.It was a painful realization that he had come to at god knows what time during the night.The realization that no one knew him.Maybe he should just die.Nobody would ever notice, after all.





	1. Chapter 1

It hurt him.

It was a painful realization that he had come to at god knows what time during the night. 

The realization that no one knew him. 

No one knew all the parts that put him together. Everyone had one little piece of the puzzle that was Lance. His family on Earth— they didn’t know the intrusive thoughts racing through his mind at all times— and now they didn’t even know about what Lance has become out in space.

His teammates didn’t know anything. They didn’t know about his thoughts and feelings or his past or his insecurities— they didn’t know anything. 

And it hurt, to realize that nobody knew him. 

He couldn’t tell anyone all this. Nobody out here would care. They’d pretend to care, whether for his sake or for their own guilt, he didn’t know. 

He tried asking for help. He gave them little clues. When he locked his door and took out the blade, he would occasionally venture out from the sides of his hips to his wrist, where he knew small cuts peeking out of his clothes.

If only one person would notice. Lance would tell them everything in a heartbeat. But no, he was so fucking good at hiding his feeling that no one considered he could be anything but happy.

He was in so much pain. 

He wanted help, but he couldn’t ask for it.

All he wanted was to seriously injure himself enough that someone would realize what was going on.

Maybe he should injure himself now.

Maybe he should just die.

Nobody would ever notice, after all.

Lance stood on gelatin legs and held out his hand— why was it shaking so much, why was he so nervous?— and reached for the small piece of metal he kept hidden behind a picture frame on his wall. 

Nobody would notice, right?

Lance traced the metal over his arms, warming up by barely tracing the horizontal lines he carved into himself nearly every night before twisting his wrist, and following the sight of the bluish vein flowing down his arm much harder. Blood started to sprout from the wound almost immediately, and it seemed to never stop coming. 

Lance tried holding the metal in his other hand now, but he couldn’t find the energy to cut his other arm.

Fuck. 

He couldn’t even kill himself probably.

How pathetic was he? He was going to bleed out half to death— but not all the way, because life was cruel like that— and he was going to sit in the puddle of his own blood until one of the others came to find him.

The others wouldn’t come looking for him.

Nobody would notice, remember?

Maybe he would bleed out and die after all. Lance felt the burning white pain across his arm as he cradled it to his body. Nobody was going to find him any soon.

Dying wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

A knock of his door. “Lance?”

Fuck².

“Lance? Are you in there? You looked upset earlier.”

He couldn’t even tell who was at his door through his near death haze. 

Lance let out a mumbled reply.

“Lance…? We didn’t hear you. Can you repeat that?”

So it was more than one person. 

Lance thought about who could possibly be at his door. Then it struck him Hunk asked him and Pidge to meet in in the kitchen for a surprised earlier. He’d forgotten, and now Hunk and Pidge we’re going to find him dead.

“I’m so sorry.” Lance forced out, clenching his teeth. “I messed up. I messed up. I’m so sorry.”

“Lance! What happened? What did you do?”

“I messed up. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to find me like this.”

“Lance, you’re scaring me. Hunk’s getting Shiro, he’s going to break down the door. What did you do?”

Lance started crying, sobs starting from his chest and making their way out. “Pidge, I’m so sorry. Tell Hunk I’m sorry, make sure he knows.” 

He closed his eyes, letting darkness wash over him. Why couldn’t he just die without being a burden? Why did he have to go and fuck everything up every single time?

“Lance, are you in there? It’s Shiro, I’m going to break down the door okay? Everyone’s here, we’re all worried.”

Lance closed his eyes. Of course everyone would have to witness his failure.

The door broke down. A scream was heard.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The paladins’ reaction to finding Lance’s body.

It was the night of her eighth grade formal dance, the closest thing the student will get to prom until the time comes. Begrudgingly, Pidge had went, dressed in a light green dress with ruffles that she ran her hand through constantly throughout the night. 

And later that night, Pidge had came home and changed into her pajamas. 

Then she heard the sobs.

She walked downstairs to see her mom crying while the news displayed what had gone wrong with the Kerberos Mission. 

The feeling that hit her gut when she realized she will never see her father or brother again— and at the moment, she didn’t even think it was possible for them to be alive— she never forgot that feeling.

When Shiro broke down the door to Lance’s room to see him lying on the floor, a razor blade in one hand and the other bleeding out, Pidge had felt that feeling all over again. 

The same gut sinking terror.

Pidge heard a scream— she later realized that the scream was her, before Shiro rushed forward and held Lance’s arm.

“Lance, what did you do!”

“I’ll go get the cryopod ready!” Coran darted away from the scene, his voice shaking more than she had ever heard it before.

Shiro picked up Lance’s body— why was he so light? It was easier to pick him up now than it was at the invasion— and rushed after Coran.

“What just happened?” Allura asked.

“He… Lance tried to…” Hunk tried to speak, but his mind was somewhere else. 

“We’ll explain later, I’m going to call Keith to tell him what happened.” Pidge kept her head down and left to go to her room to find her phone.

Allura faced Hunk. 

“Can you tell me what happened? I don’t understand, how did he get injured? Was it from battle and none of us noticed or—”

Hunk placed his hand on Allura’s shoulder.

“Allura, humans are weird. Sometimes our brains make us feel things and do things that we don’t want to, and we can’t help it. Some humans, when they’re overwhelmed, they resort to harming themselves.” 

Hunk led Allura to the kitchen, where they sat on stools. 

“Lance has been self harming since before the Garrison. He told me back on Earth, broke down crying while telling me, made me promise not to tell anyone. I wanted him to promise me to stop, but he told me he couldn’t. I didn’t think he continued it in space. I should’ve known, but I didn’t even think to know he was suicidal.”

“Suicidal? I don’t know what that word means.”

“Oh.” Hunk laughed despite himself. “Of course you don’t. It means when someone wants to die.”

Allura nodded with the situation. “There were few like that on Altea. My mother— she died from a self inflicted injury.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“Thank you. So what are we going to do about the situation at hand?”

“I don’t know.”

-

“He did what?” 

“Lance, he… tried to kill himself. Or at least that’s what it looked like.”

Keith rubbed his eyes and faced the screen again. 

“What did it look like?”

“One hand held a blade he must’ve made somehow, and the other was bleeding out.”

“Okay…” Keith sighed. “I’ll ask Kolivan to leave right away. I’ll be there as soon as possible.”

“Are you sure—?”

Keith ended the transmission call.

-

Shiro stood outside the healing pod. 

Lance looked so small in there. Not even when Sendak invaded the castle and Lance got caught up in the explosion did he look this small.

“How did this happen?”

Coran turned towards Shiro. “What do you mean?”

“How did we let this happen? Where did we go wrong?” Shiro bit his lip and looked down.

Coran looked thoughtful. “I can’t say I’m all too surprised. I’ve always known Lance held some sadness in him.”

Shiro looked up. 

“Well I mean, he always seemed to isolate himself. Never seemed like he was ever pleased with himself either, always seemed to only be angry with himself. That with some other things, it all adds up.”

“I never noticed.” Shiro ruffled his hair. “If you don’t mind me asking, why didn’t you do anything, if you knew?”

“I did. I kept an eye out for him, stood up for him in whenever there was an argument, gave him a few pep talks whenever I thought he needed it, and whatever else I could. I should’ve told you all, sure, but I still did something.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry. I just wish we could have prevented this.”

“I know.” 

“I don’t know what to do.”

“I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote almost all of this at like 3am when I was not feeling all to well. Lmao this is all about me but imma use Lance as a cover up. This isn’t too long, and I might leave it as a one shot, but if people like it then I’ll probably continue it. Anyway if you read this, then I applaud you.


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